He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
