it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize