Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You made out with two different species that night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
