So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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