we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
