Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize