Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
