I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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