On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
