So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
