please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
