i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
