He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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