i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
