I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
