there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
