He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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