I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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