Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
