At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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