her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
