There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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