Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
