grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
