Dual....:-)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
