I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
