The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
