I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
