I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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