but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
