I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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