Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
