After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
