So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
