I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
