so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
