So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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