Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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