Will you blow on my dice?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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