Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
