I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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