my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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