Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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