everyone is single if you try hard enough
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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