just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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