This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
