He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
