we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
