I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
