Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
