I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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