so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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