My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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