omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
