two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
