I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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