last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
