How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
