I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
