so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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