Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
