I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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