well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
