when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize