just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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