Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
