I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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