I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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