it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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