The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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