You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
