I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
