I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
don't judge my taste in strippers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We smell like vodka and hangover
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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