"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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