There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
