its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
