I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
