We're like a lot better than the average bears
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
