I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
