I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
