walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
