if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
