i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
