It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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