Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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