I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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