A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
